Dorkgasm - I.C.F.L.M.

Night of the Living Dead Puppet Show

JBolyard — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 23:44:13 +0000

They’re Coming to Get You Barbara… But Not Really. By Joel R Bolyard One of the most interesting things I had the pleasure of watching, at ICFLM, was the Night of the Living Dead Puppet Show. It was presented by The Angry Young Men; which is kind of funny, considering there are two women in the crew, but I digress. This was not your traditional puppet show, mind you. There was no little box or stage with hidden puppeteers. The puppets were on sticks and only head, arm and torso. The zombiteers were clearly visible, so you had to use a bit of imagination. Stay with me readers, I’m not done yet. Now that I’ve explained how it was done, let me tell you what I saw. The room where I watched the show was the same room used for the gala party. I sat down in the second row. I spent a few minutes before the show started listening to the odd pair in front of me. For the life I me I don’t remember their names, but they were very friendly…. and a little hyper. I’m not going to tell you the story of Night of the Living Dead, it’s a damn classic now. If you haven’t seen it, SHAME ON YOU! The puppet show did an abbreviated version of the film and took a few small liberties as well. No, nothing drastic you bastard purists. There were a few modern references made and that’s about it. I really loved the puppet design. The generic zombies were done using the paper-mache and balloon trick. Zombie brains are delicious by the way. Well at least these zombies were, their brains were a variety of Brach’s candies. I have to imagine smashing props is kind of fun, especially when you spray the audience with candy. The rest of the puppets that “died” had tear away limbs or pop out head pieces with red streamers attached. The puppets that were “zombified” had eye coverings to white out their eye. There is certain elegance in simplicity and this certainly exemplifies that idea. I can’t even begin to tell you how enjoyable this show was to watch. There was nothing scary about the show; it did have its humorous moments though. The group that put this on looked like they had as much fun doing as I did watching. My words are wholly inadequate when it comes to what I saw. I can only tell you to find a showing and see it for yourself. Perhaps after we post this and send an email to the gentlemen in charge, we can get some dates and times. (hint hint) After the show was over, I had a chance to talk to the crew and ask some questions. Here’s what I learned. As of right now, they had no plans to create any other puppet shows based on any other films. I imagine this is partially due to the lack of public domain films. The group hasn’t been together that long but has good chemistry from what I saw. They chose this particular puppet design as opposed to “traditional” puppets because set up, and clean up, was much easier. I can only imagine setting up and breaking down a puppet stage. I’m apt to agree with this decision as it was amusing to have the zombiteers moving through the audience. Someone asked about the “brain candy” (rim shot) during the Q&A; it was more about why not gore instead. The answer to that: it’s too damn messy otherwise, and definitely not as tasty. I’d love to say more but there’s nothing else to say that I haven’t already said. I can only tell you so many times to go see the show (when we find out where). So here goes the thanks portion. Thank you too Billy Ray Olsen, Derek Castor, Darrin Alston Jr., Alice Hammers, Michael Weber, Elizabeth Ahlstrom, Josh Perkins, Joe Janswig, Ally Kavanaugh, Steve Cook, and Mike Tindall. Until next time faithful readers, Stay dorky. Editor’s note: We apologize that this is up a month after ICFLM, the author wanted to write it sooner but was a bit stressed by a load of unexpected bills. We promise the rest of the ICFLM coverage this week, even if we have to beat it out of them.

Backwoods Bloodbath

MRiedlinger — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 03:56:49 +0000

You're Next 3: Pajama Party Massacare

kenneth.holm — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 16:17:38 +0000

You’re Next 3: Pajama Party Massacre A short film by NFTS Productions Review by Kenneth Holm Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer Let me start out by saying that I really wanted to like this film. I really did. The two actresses who star in the picture, Elske McCain and Scarlet Salem, are very nice in person and not too bad on the eyes, either. I thought a pajama party killer movie could be interesting. Memories of Slumber Party Massacre were floating through my head as I entered the screening room. After a short introduction by Ms. McCain and Ms. Salem, the movie began. As the credits went down, so did my hope of a good movie. The short begins simply enough. We start in a workshop of some sort. There are tools and other miscellaneous items strewn about. Suddenly, a man enters the workshop. We cannot see his face for the moment. He begins sifting around on the workbench before moving to what looks like a saw blade suspended in the air. He lovingly caresses the blade before taking it down off the wall. Oh, that’s interesting! It’s two saw blades attached to a big stick! Well, okay, I guess. He turns around, and we glimpse his grimly deformed visage in the mirror that just happens to be in the workshop. He looks grotesquely fucked up in the facial region. He pauses, apparently admiring his reflection, then leaves the room. Now, it’s at this moment that I spotted my first item of interest. Many of the tools in the workshop came from their local Menards, as the Tool Shop brand is quite visually distinctive. I am not saying that this means anything at all; I was just bored and noticed it.

In the next scene we’re treated to, the character played by Elske McCain is eating an ice cream cone very provocatively. Yes, all you closet perverts; this is on screen for quite a while. Scarlet Salem’s character comes into the room and begins to harass Elske’s character. Now, before you ask, I’m sure these characters had names. Unfortunately, my brain was so overcome by mediocrity at this point that I cannot seem to recall them. Let’s call Elske “Red” and Scarlet “Blondie”, okay. So anyway, “Blondie” begins to call “Red” a slut and stating that she sucked off a whole football team. This verbal back and forth continues for about five long, aggravating minutes. “Blondie” then asks “Red” if she heard the story about Recently Murdered Girl #1. “Blondie” proceeds to recap what must be the storyline for You’re Next #1, then “Red” asks “Blondie” if she heard the story about Recently Murdered Girl #2. Of course, “Blondie” has no clue, so “Red” gives us the threadbare plot of You’re Next #2. After all this freaky story telling, “Red” begins to feel a bit dirty and decides to go into the bathroom for a quick bath and a snort or two of coke taken off the toilet seat. It’s at this point that the salivating masses are treated to the movie’s two unbilled stars, Elske McCain’s rather large breasts. You know, I don’t think I really have to go any further with the plot. We all know what is going to happen. The killer will get into the house and murder the hell out of the two chicks. During this part, though, it does get a little interesting, perhaps even funny. After the killer does away with “Red”, he chases down “Blondie”, only to find she is not such a pushover. After what Elske McCain says was a real kick to the balls, “Blondie” seems to get the upper hand, at least for a short time. Of course, as we all know, all the fighting in the world won’t stop this killer, and he turns the tide. He makes quick work of “Blondie” by using his saw blade stick and cutting her in half, like a magician! He takes the stick to her head and gets a new bowling ball. Suddenly, “Red” stands in the doorway! She is still very naked, so she and her boobs are very much into stopping this killer. There’s a funny moment where she gets knocked around with the severed head of “Blondie”, but “Red” gets hers by strangulation. The film ends with the killer telling “Red” that he’s going to kill her, then fuck her. Now, that’s a high class Hallmark ending for the whole family. Overall, I do not think that I could, in good conscience, recommend this to anyone. Not For The Squeamish Productions, out of Minnesota, has made other movies, and I would have to hope that they would be better than this. This movie was supposedly shot in two days, and it shows badly. It was shot on what appears to be a camcorder, and was filmed as if the words “production values” never existed. The one great thing about this movie was the running commentary that Scarlet Salem and Elske McCain were providing from the front row during the movie. They were genuinely funny, and I do hope they go on to better things. They might be able to act, but this movie was the wrong vehicle to prove that. They do show promise, though. It’s just unfortunate that the script (if there even was one) was so god-awful that nothing of merit could come from it. Just stay away from this. Please. Somehow this has gotten positive reviews from other sites. I would like to have a pass of whatever they were smoking. It might make the movie better. Who knows?

Review of Seed: a Film by Uwe Boll

kenneth.holm — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 16:38:50 +0000

Seed
A Film By Uwe Boll
Review by Kenneth Holm
Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer

“For Everything Which Arises Is Worth Destroying”
Frederich Nietzsche

The above quote opens what could be one of the most disturbing movies I have seen in a long time. Uwe Boll’s Seed is an unflinching exercise in human cruelty. The movie begins with archival footage of humans being exceptionally cruel to a variety of animals that was provided by PETA, the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. I thought this was unnecessary at the time, but in further watching the movie, I felt that the PETA footage started the story off in the right direction. It prepares the viewer for the cruelty expressed further in. The next scene is a man being executed in the fashion that is most popular in horror movies, the electric chair. Unfortunately, the chair is not up to snuff, and it takes a couple turns from Old Sparky to end this prisoner’s term on the mortal coil. The executioner, played by Boll regular and Johnny Deep look alike Michael Eklund, is worried that the chair is not going to remain functional for much longer and is currently cruel and unusual punishment. He relays his concerns to Warden Wright (Ralf Moeller, yet another Boll constant) and is told that he did a good job. He was only doing his job. This setup is important. Remember it well.

The next scene serves to introduce us to a couple different characters. Detective William Bishop (Michael Paré) is riding on a bus. Not too noteworthy in and of itself. However, sitting at the back of the bus is a dirty, frightening man in overalls and a death shroud-like mask. This man is Max Seed (Will Sanderson), the “villain” of the story. Bishop is helpless as he watches Seed take a baby from a mother and begin to carry it away. His shouts of protest go completely unheard in the bus, as Seed takes the baby’s skull and proceeds to bash it against a support rail. Bishop screams and wakes up at home, drenched in a cold sweat. This dream has supposedly haunted Bishop’s sleeping for some time now.

The movie is almost Pulp Fiction-like in the way it plays with time. The dream scene is what is currently happening, while flashbacks show us how Max Seed was brought to justice and the subsequent perusal of materials found in his domicile. While Bishop is watching the tapes found at Seed’s residence, he is alarmed to find that Seed filmed most of his murders. At first, he finds a tape showing a bug dying and decaying in time-lapse photography. Then, a rat succumbs to Seed’s will. This begins to climax as time goes by, with a dog, a baby, and finally a full-grown woman. The filmed shots were done by making models of the body types with actual meat and allowing it to decompose naturally, complete with maggots. I found the baby scene in particular to be very disturbing. As a father of three boys, seeing the baby cry and whimper was very uncomfortable to watch for me, and to see it die and decompose was almost heart rending. In fact, many people were affected by this sequence as I glanced around the room. Some person even left the screening.

After this, a flashback shows how Seed was captured. A cadre of policemen shows up to the house where Seed is purported to be doing his dirty work. Inside, they find that Seed has prepared for them with a variety of measures. Turning a corpse occupied chair around bumps off one cop. For his efforts, he receives a pickax to the temple. Seed murders another cop with a power drill. Still another police officer ventures into the attic after hearing “that strange noise” and is confronted by the deranged killer. Finally, it’s left to only Bishop and Seed. Needless to say, good triumphs over evil and Max Seed is finally captured. The film then moves to the eve of his execution. The executioner’s pleas for a new electrocution apparatus have been denied, and Seed will fry in the old, malfunctioning chair. Of course, things go horribly wrong, and the still breathing Seed is pronounced dead by all attending. He’s slapped into a pine box and buried in the ground.

Now, here’s where I applaud the film. The scene where the dead man rises has always been a bone of contention with me. Usually, these people rise from commercial graveyards, which have elaborate concrete crypts that the coffin is placed in. In Seed, the killer is buried in a simple box in bare earth. It is completely feasible that he could get out. Indeed, the scene in which Seed frees himself does show the dirt rushing into the coffin and the ground actually heaving as our boy slowly claws his way to the surface. There’s no need to explain what happens afterwards, except to say Max Seed heads off on some well-deserved vengeance. All those who condemned Seed to the ground are subject for pain.

Now, being a serial killer is not all fun and vengeance games. Seed continues to up the kills while on the outside, prompting the newspapers to proclaim that there is a copycat killer at work. This is where the film’s seventies setting works to the advantage. The time period gives the advantage to Seed, as the age of instant information has not arisen yet. Bishop is tasked with taking Seed down before the media catches wind of the cover-up. Meanwhile, Seed keeps killing, and doing so spectacularly.

One such kill is an absolutely amazing thing to see. Seed captures a woman and begins to play with her. He takes a hammer and begins tapping on her head. The ferocity begins to build, and soon the woman is dead. The astonishing thing is the camera never turns away. It remains fixed, watching with an unblinking eye as it captures the cruelty of the kill. With ever hammer strike, the screen seems to zoom slightly, as if the camera is flinching with the absolute carnage it is being forced to record. I do not want to say anything else about this scene, as it is an important moment and the seeming climax in an already unrelenting film. After this gruesome scene, Seed dispatches the patrol outside Bishop’s house and steals his family away, leaving Bishop to chase after towards a confrontation that is brutal, savage, and absolutely perfect to end the film with.

While watching the film, I could not help but notice little nods to genre fare. The pickax trap is an obvious nod to the Saw films, while the corpse in the chair that triggers it seems like a wink to Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. There are several more “in-jokes” for Easter Egg hunters to uncover, and will definitely reward repeat viewings. There was even a nod to the French thriller Caché, in which Seed tapes Bishop’s house and delivers it to the police station. I only wish I could watch this a few more times to get them all. The shooting style is gritty, dirty, and raw. All the sets seem to be slightly dirty, with period-accurate set dressings everywhere. Even one of the cops has a badass mustache, which was a requisite for joining the police force in the seventies. There was a huge amount of art that was crafted into this horror movie. I would even say that this is the movie that will win genre fans over to Dr. Boll’s side. One of our Dorkgasm correspondents went in not expecting much and came out with a much improved appreciation of Uwe Boll as a filmmaker.

The performances in this movie were spot on. Seed himself has no dialogue, which is good. Anything he said would have destroyed the mystique he had built throughout the movie. Michael Paré is wonderful as the rightly conflicted William Bishop, and Rolf Moeller is appropriately sinister as the warden. The most amazing performance belongs to the young actor who played Bishop’s daughter. Jordelle Ferland was last seen in The Messengers and Silent Hill, and she hits a home-run with this performance. Her performance is vulnerable, strong, and tender, all at the same time. She has been used again by Boll in Bloodrayne II and is truly one of the shining starts in this dark, depressing film.

After the screening had concluded at It Came From Lake Michigan, there was no applause. None whatsoever. I can’t speak for everyone there, but I, for one, was too stunned to clap, or even talk. I had just sat through one of the most riveting, dark, depressing, and intense films I had ever seen. Afterwards, Uwe Boll had a brief question and answer session that will make its way online soon. When I left, Joel confronted me and asked me what I thought. I could only use one word.

Unrelenting.

This film did not let you relax. Even during the quiet parts, there was an intensity that was constantly there. I simply could not explain it any other way. Do yourself a favor. When this movie comes to a theater near you sometime in February, assemble a group of genre fans and see this. Afterwards, discuss it. Some may not like it. Some may love it. Some, like me, will take a while to decide if they could even like what they saw. It will definitely leave an impression on you, though. It is an indelible impression that will stay with you for quite a long time. I saw the movie more than a week ago, and I still cannot get it out of my head. I commend Uwe Boll for having the courage and tenacity to make this movie. It will not be well received by most of America. I promise you that, dear reader. However, it will not go away. I’d like to close this piece with another appropriate Nietzsche quote. One that fits in its succinctness.

“Man is the cruelest animal”.

Witches' Night

kenneth.holm — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 02:01:52 +0000

Witches’ Night A film by Paul Traynor Review by Kenneth Holm Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer Witches’ Night begins with a ceremony conducted by what seem to be witches, going to show that the title was well thought out. A gentleman lies on a table, strapped down as he fights for his life. Witches caterwaul and dance around him, while one witch heats up a very special present. After a view with the “red-hot poker to the ass” cam, we move into the opening credits. Wow. Right off the bat, I knew this wasn’t going to be your typical horror flick. Turns out I was thankfully right. The next scene brings us to a roadside in the country. An SUV pulls up with a racing stripe of vomit along the side, and we are introduced to the heroes of our story. Jim (Gil McKinney) has just been jilted at the altar by his fiancé, and his groomsmen are determined to help him out of his funk. His older brother Bill (Jeff Christian) is a slacker from the get-go, living more to smoke weed and drink than anything else. Married man Ted (Jeff Alba) is an easy going type of guy who checks in with his wife constantly, and resident hothead / strip club owner Rick (Wesley Walker) is bound and determined to get some pussy somehow. The boys have just left Jim’s disastrous wedding in search of something to help Jim get over his loss. They pull over at a small, out of the way convenience store to get some beers and to figure out a way to occupy their time. Inside the store, Ted and Rick notice some odd paraphernalia hanging around. They search for someone who can unlock the beer cooler, but have no luck. Suddenly Rick notices a strange book with some sinister drawings inside. He pockets it as a joke just in time to find the owner of the shop. After some strange witch-related dialogue, the gentlemen rejoin their other compatriots.

While Ted and Rick are in the store, Jim gets violently ill and Bill helps him around back, where Jim continues to wretch. While Bill looks for help, Jim sees an old crone lurking mysteriously in a patch of pine trees. He passes out, and when he awakens, nothing is there. The four continue to drink while trying to come up with a plan for something to do. As the night progresses, they are coming up dry. Fortunately, a local named Marge (Betsy Baker of Evil Dead fame) rents canoes and reluctantly loans the foursome a couple to ride down the river. After giving them some back-story about the supposed witches, Marge vanishes into the night and the boys begin to set up camp. During the night, the boys hear some giggling and decide to investigate. They come upon four outwardly sexual young women, who encourage them to stay and have some fun. All four men agree, and there is much beer and pot consumption. After a time, all four young women turn predatory and begin to try to seduce our heroes. Everyone, including married Ted, is open to the advances, but Jim gets a bad feeling and bolts, taking Bill with him. Rick and Ted get luckier as the night progresses, and the two brothers sleep back at camp. The next morning, everyone is a little worse for wear with various maladies that were seemingly inflicted at the points where the four women touched them. As they continue to travel down the river, their respective health problems worsen, leading to almost complete incapcitation. While three of the men work to try to understand what is happening to them, Rick bolts off into the woods in a fit of rage. Jim wants to track him down and get everyone home safely, but it soon becomes apparent that there are bigger plans at work than meet the eye. What follows I can only describe as a showdown between the forces of good and evil. As cliché as I know it is, the movie ends satisfactorily with a rather high body count in relation to the actual number of characters. I thought this movie was a very ambitious entry. It was obviously photographed in digital, with a high emphasis on production values. The shots are well lit, the action is briskly paced, and the character development made me care about what was happening to these four friends out in the wilderness. Producer Sean Bradley was on hand at ICFLM to answer some questions about the filming and budget of the movie, but could not get very in-depth because they were in distribution talks. Apparently, this movie was shot on location in and around Spring Green, Wisconsin. This movie won the award for “Best Horror” at It Came from Lake Michigan, and I think it was well deserved. It has the brand of psychological horror I enjoy. I would fully recommend this movie to any and all who have even the slightest interest. You might be pleasantly surprised. Listing on IMDB http://www.myspace.com/witchesnightmovie

Stupid Teenagers Must Die

kenneth.holm — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 02:12:00 +0000

Stupid Teenagers Must Die A “film” by Jeff C. Smith Review by Kenneth Holm Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer God, where do I even begin? I went into Stupid Teenagers Must Die with lowered expectations. Unfortunately, I should have lowered them a bit more. The story begins thusly: Years ago, a psychotic killer who went by the inventive moniker “Murder McGee” killed his entire family in his modest, two-level home. Fast-forward to the 80’s, and a group of stupid teens (hence the title) decide to have a séance to bring his spirit back to the land of the living. Wow, that’s pretty fucking stupid of them. Michael (Matthew Blashaw) and Tiffany (Lindsay Gareth) are fooling around in the haunted house’s living room, when Lindsay announces that she has to leave. She charges Michael with distributing the spooky decorations and various props needed for the séance and leaves. While Michael is cleaning off some foam headstones, he hears a noise inside the house. Being the stupid teenager the title promises us he is Michael decides to go investigate. This ends badly, of course, with Michael taking one for the team. One in the chest, as it was. The next night, teens Kane (Jovan Meredith) and Julie (Ashley Schneider) are driving to the site of the multiple murders for the séance. These stupid teenagers attempting to bring back a killer are friends of Julie’s, and Kane has to tag along as the obligatory boyfriend. They attempt a little recreational foreplay upon arrival, but Ryan (Will Duetsch), the preppy, vaguely gay member of the group interrupts them. You know, come to think of it, this film is all about horror movie archetypes, with Kane playing the skeptical African-American, Julie playing the well meaning, but ultimately killer fodder, girlfriend, and Ryan playing the excessively nerdy preppie. Once we get into the actual séance, we meet the other stereotypes Archie (a thuggish greaser played by Devin Marble), Madeline (a foolishly overgothed Renee Dorian), the aptly named Geeks 1 & 2 (played by Cory Assink in a passable Matthew Lillard impression and Jonathen Brett), and the two lipstick lesbians Sissy and Jamie (Jamie Carson and Christina DeRosa respectively).

This being a low-budget horror movie, you just know things will go wrong. Jokes go awry, planning goes out the window, and the real spirit comes back to exact his (cue spooky music) REVENGE FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE! Hey, that could be the sequel’s title! Remember, I thought of it first. Getting into the technical aspects, this movie seems to have limited production values. It’s shot on what seems to be Mom’s camcorder, and the first scene is so muddy and dark it’s hard to tell what’s going on. The script is laughable, with dialogue so wooden it could double as George Washington’s dentures. The only actors I enjoyed were Jovan Meredith, who brought some fun and well-needed toughness to the movie, and Cory Assink, who’s over-the-top acting actually helped everyone around him. There is a healthy dose of nudity in the film, which does not hurt anything, but it really doesn’t help, either. Most of the characters invite their own slaughter, and I was happy when they died. By the time each character got theirs, they had become so annoying I wanted to kill them myself. At one point, the spirit of “Murder McGee” begins to possess the stupid teenagers. The best the filmmakers could come up with to denote that a character had been possessed was with gothy black circles around their eyes. The ending was absolutely unbelievable, with an Ouija board becoming a valuable plot point. Of course, there will be no happy ending, as everyone has to die for this to make any sense. In the end, though, I just stopped caring. Looking back days later, perhaps the film was supposed to look like shit and have crappy actors. Maybe this is homage to all the previous 80’s slasher films. Sorry, guys, but Scream did it better. Perhaps if the movie were more tongue-in-cheek and less pseudo-serious, I would have liked it more. That said, the DVD has director and audience reaction commentary, so I think I will pick it up after all. If nothing else, it will provide drunken amusement and an interesting time at the next party. I would recommend this if only as an exercise for other budding filmmakers to see what missteps to avoid when making their first movie.

Albert Fish: In Sin He Found Salvation

doubleatotheron — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 12:21:33 +0000

The Fisherman by Aaron K. Bolyard Dorkgasm Staff Writer
I began watching Albert Fish at roughly about 4 am. I gave thought to following in the footsteps of Hunter S. Thompson and drugging myself heavily (I've got plenty of vicodin left from my surgery), but decided it was better watched with a bit more clarity than my pain killers would allow me. I was instantly pleased when I heard the voice of the narrator, Tony Jay. Many dorks, including myself, would know him better as the voice of Chairface Chippendale from The Tick or The Necromancer/Elder God from the Blood Omen/Soul Reaver games. Unfortunately for all of us, he passed in 2006 and he will be missed. There are not many actors out there who have such a haunting and powerful a voice as Tony Jay and as a narrator he definitely adds to the enjoyment of watching Albert Fish. I was aware of Albert Fish as a serial killer before watching this film, though I was not privy to the specifics of his crimes. My knowledge of Albert Fish came from the realm of fiction in the form of Black House by Stephen King and Peter Straub. The killer in that book is essentially a copycat of Albert Fish, and so, in a roundabout way, I was prepared for what was going to unfold. Fortunately, I was pleasantly surprised. The first thing that really sticks out in my mind, besides Tony Jay's voice, is the images of roasted meat and stews being cooked. Not especially disturbing some might say, but when you add the reading of Albert Fish's memoirs over the top of it. . . Well, needless to say the roast quickly becomes "the plump ass of a child". According to Albert Fish, it's the sweetest meat. Unfortunately, my bear traps failed to catch any little ghost and ghouls this Halloween, so I'll have to take Mr. Fish's word for it. . . Well, at least until my fiancé finishes my Santa Claus outfit. Ho ho ho children! Does this rag smell like chloroform to you? Anywho, the next thing I particularly enjoyed was the re-enactments. They varied from Albert Fish's sadomasochistic sexual escapades, to his murders, and even some of the Biblical visions he had. I don't think I'll ever be able to purge the image of a 2x4 with bloody nails sticking out of it from my brain. I also might have possibly given my fiancé some nightmares describing it to her. One can only hope. Of the re-enactments I found the Biblical ones quite compelling. Albert Fish was a man obsessed with suffering, and there are very few things more Catholic than suffering. Just ask Mother Theresa, she had a serious hard-on for suffering. I wonder if she ate any Indian children. . . I wouldn't be surprised. Albert Fish, though, truly believed he was doing God's work by killing and eating children, saving them from sin in a way. That, I think, is the great tragedy. A man lives his life according to these Biblical standards and he is painted a monster. Yet, those who choose to ignore religion as a farce are treated almost with the same disgust. Though Albert Fish is quite obviously a documentary, it is constructed in such a way that does not allow you the objectivity something on PBS or the History Channel would. John Borowski cleverly forces you to take Fish's journey, not as a passive observer, but as an accomplice; a silent partner if you will. At the end of your journey with the Gray Man, you won't condone his actions, but you will understand him. You may even pity him. Personally, after watching this movie from beginning to finish, I think Albert Fish was doomed to become the child cannibal. I doubt he had much choice in the man he was to become. That, I think, is the most important part of this docu-horror-drama. It does not paint the picture of a monster, but of a man shaped by his society and his religion. I think the most telling line of this film is "Society gets the serial killers it deserves", and with Albert Fish it is definitely the case. His society most certainly deserved him. I definitely recommend Albert Fish to all you readers out there, even if True Crime isn't your thing. John Borowski strikes a delicate balance between documentary and feature film, and quite successfully I might add. Until next time kiddies, Good Eatings. From Hell, AKB Albert Fish Official Website John Borowski's Homepage

Moral Kombat

jsaystoyou — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 02:45:07 +0000

FATALITY!! MORAL KOMBAT OWNS!!!
By
J. Sternberg

When I saw the premise for MORAL KOMBAT I was ready for battle. I thought it would be another typical take on video game violence, and its effect on the youth of America. Normally these commentaries offer a single side, usually focusing on Jack Thompson, his crusade, and ridiculous statistics and "facts" that lean toward "video games are bad mmkay???". MORAL KOMBAT is something different. The director, Spencer Halpin, gives you all the angles and lets you decide.

I have to begin this review by saying SEE THIS FILM AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. MORAL KOMBAT is a thorough, thought provoking work of genius that hooks you early with catchy editing, and follows a clever chronological trip through the history of video gaming and the war that has raged on about the effect of violent video games on America’s youth. It features the opinions and think pieces of experts from all walks of video gaming life, from Andy MacNamara from Game Informer magazine, to Senator Joe Lieberman and resident r-tard Jack Thompson. As much as can't stand Thompson's views, he isn't portrayed as a demon, or a savior, but as a person with a view, which I found both nauseating and refreshing at the same time. All of the speakers in the film came across as poised and intelligent, as Halpin does a spectacular job of keeping conversations civil, avoiding Michael Moore styled “fire and brimstone” rhetoric.

The short clips of video games gave me a nostalgic smile. I was torn between wanting to stay, enraptured with the film, or run home and hop on the PS3 for some online death-matching. The clips are strung together so well that you actually watch video games evolve, along with the realism of violence, sex and debauchery portrayed within them. I remembered more about my life, as I realized how I have literally grown alongside the video game industry, realizing more and more about my viewpoints on the topic at hand, who I am, and what I've lived through.

I won't give away anyone's stories, (you'll just HAVE TO SEE THE MOVIE) but I will tell you that the way in which everyone tells their tale makes you believe that their heart is in what they say, and why. I can and will say without a doubt, if you work in the video game industry, play games, or are a parent with a child who gets down with their Xbox, that this film should be required viewing before you ever open your mouth about this subject again. Your view may not change, and I'm not sure if that is the director's intention, but at least you'll understand what all the fuss was about, and you'll take your head out of your ass and hear the other side out because you cannot argue.

I felt at the end that I had witnessed a labor of love, finely crafted into a piece of art. I learned something about those I've championed, those I have vilified, and myself. This is, without a doubt, the best piece of work on the subject that I have ever witnessed. I can honestly say that you need to see this movie, no matter what walk of the gaming-life you belong. Whether you're a Christian crusading against the "pornography and filth" that is gaming, or a hardcore Hot Pocket munching level 60 hunter, MORAL KOMBAT is worth its weight in arcade tokens, gil, or gold coins.

I give MORAL KOMBAT 5 "FINSIH HIM"s out of 5

Brain Dead

kenneth.holm — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:19:24 +0000

Brain Dead A Film by Kevin Tenney Review by Kenneth Holm Senior Staff Writer This was the first film I had the honor of seeing at this year’s “It Came from Lake Michigan”, and boy, was it a doozy. Unfortunately I missed the opening sequence, which I’m told was absolutely boobtastic, but I didn’t feel like I was confused at all. It starts out with typical situations bringing six people together in a remote cabin in the woods; only they are not so typical this time around. College girl hikers Sherry (Sarah Grant Brendecke) and Claudia (Michelle Tomlinson) are out and about enjoying a beautiful day strolling through their local forest. They spot a river and decide to skinny dip, providing the requisite nudity in the film. In a scene afterwards, Claudia’s lesbianism is revealed. I only mention this because it explains why her character acts the way she does later. In the next scene, we are introduced to Clarence Singer (Joshua Benton) and Bob Jules (David Crane), two convicts in the middle of being transported to another holding facility. Due to a dumb ass move by the guard watching over them, the duo soon escapes into the wilderness while handcuffed together and head toward some semblance of civilization. Finally, we’re introduced to the Reverend Eldon Farnsworth (Andy Forrest) and his secretary Amy (Christina Tiberia) as they wander through the countryside, looking for salvation. Sooner than you can say, “I couldn't see that coming”, all six of our main characters end up at the aforementioned cabin. Unfortunately, a couple things go wrong along the way. There happen to be a couple of beasties out in the woods whose sole mission is to eat some brains. The creatures are the result of an alien goo-type thing, which infects the host's body and begins a controlling symbiotic relationship with it. The only way for it to transfer to another host-body is to vomit an oily substance all over it’s intended victim. Soon, the monsters surround the cabin and the real fireworks begin. We can be sure than someone will fall to the monsters, but the real fun is getting there. I had absolutely no idea what to expect when I came into this movie. This was my first independent film festival, and I didn't know whether to expect absolute crap or not. Fortunately, this film was incredibly entertaining. The character of Clarence was easily my favorite, as he was written the best one-liners and provided most of the comic relief. The movie was shot very well, seemingly on film or digital. It reminded me of the Evil Dead series with some of the shot setups. The actors all did well in their roles to varying degrees of greatness. The makeup wasn't exceptionally realistic, but I got the feeling that that was intended. It reminded me of some of the reality-stretching makeup bone in B-movie classic Night of the Demons. I suppose that it is just a coincidence that director Kevin Tenney also helmed Night of the Demons, but that's where the resemblance ends. Brain Dead looks so much better than the earlier film that you can almost see where Tenney has been working to improve his style. Overall, this movie was an exceptional start to the festival. The humor was actually funny, the creatures were interesting, the characters were pretty well realized, and the story was interesting. I enjoyed this one so much that when the inevitable DVD comes out, I will more than likely buy it. According to the website, it is still in post-production, so it could be a while off. Until then, though, keep a look out for this gory, humorous entertainer, as ‘tis truly a great watch.

It Came From Lake Michigan Day Two

kenneth.holm — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 03:27:19 +0000

It Came From Lake Michigan Day Two By: Kenneth Holm Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer Arriving super early before the start of the festival, I was waiting around for the Uwe Boll press junket to begin. Wayne was rushing around, setting up volunteers, so I could not get too much of a chance to talk to him. I ran into Bill Zenobia, who told me the press meeting was changed until later in the afternoon. I sighed, and settled in for some more Super Mario World on my DS. After a couple of levels, I turned the game world off and began to settle in for the long haul. Suddenly, I heard a bit of a buzz. It seemed that Uwe Boll had arrived, and the filming crew from ICFLM was interviewing him. I spoke to Wayne and he assured me that I would get my chance with Dr. Boll soon. The crew had explicit instructions to let him know when they were done, and then he would fetch me. I agreed, and headed to the Derleth Room once more to catch the premiere of Postal, which I would urge everyone who reads this article to see come February. It will truly blow the hinges off comedy as you know it. Yes, I am serious, and no, I am not drunk. About halfway through the movie, I wandered out for a quick chat with Wayne. It seemed that the crew had not told Wayne they were finished, and he was being interviewed by another outlet. Blast it, another missed opportunity. I returned to the theater to catch the rest of Postal. Around ten minutes later, I noticed Boll sneak in and watch as everyone laughed hysterically at his movie with a huge smile on his face. That, in turn, made me smile. It must be nice to finally feel appreciated. After the movie was finished, he did a little Q&A, which will be posted later, and showed the trailer for his next movie, In the Name Of The King, which is his take on the Dungeon Siege series of video games. Nothing for nothing here, but that movie looks pretty badass. It opens in January, and I urge everyone and their mother to check it out. What other movie can bring Jason Statham, John Rhys-Davies, and Burt Reynolds together with Ray Liotta? None, I tell you. After a short break and meeting up with Anna and Nathan, it was time for Seed, Uwe Boll’s next entry into horror. I am not going to spoil it until the review, but people walked out. After it was done, no one applauded, including myself. It was not a bad movie at all, but I was completely dumbstruck. Just shocked. He did some more Q&A about Seed, and it was yet another break time. After confirming what I just saw with Nathan, I hit the bathroom and returned for Uwe’s class about Film Financing and Distribution. This was interesting, and he let some nice nuggets of wisdom fly during this one. I didn’t get it on tape, but I did take notes. Finally, after keeping the Psycho Ward crowd waiting for ten minutes, we adjourned for something else. I grabbed a quick drink of Dew and chatted with some of the vendors a bit. Once again, I hit up Zoë and Anna for some downtime chatting, then it was on to You’re Next 3: Pajama Party Massacre. You know, the movie itself was not that good, but the running commentary that Scarlet Salem and Elske McCain contributed from the front row was amusing. In fact, Lloyd Kaufman showed up for this one and stumbled over my bag. I will never wash it again. After the movie was over, Scarlet and Elske thanked everyone for coming to watch them in various states of undress and I took off for the next event. Continuing the norm I had already established, I sat with Joel, Fester, and Justin. Nathan and Anna wandered in and sat near us, as well. They were starting to like us Dorks; I swear it. During the film awards, I had to try to keep from nodding off. Not because they were boring, but because I was dead tired. A varying parade of people came up to get their certificates for being of service to It Came from Lake Michigan. Mark Borchardt came up, taking pictures the whole way. Senator Ted Kanavas came up to accept his award for continuing to work for Wisconsin filmmaking perks. It was during this time that I had to keep from laughing, because Anna was laughing at the sound of his last name. Come on, say it quickly, and you will get the idea. George Tzourgros and Scott Robbe from Film Wisconsin came up too. I kept waiting, but no mention of Dorkgasm. I left the awards feeling crushed and betrayed. Well, not totally, but you get the idea. After a brief respite from activity which was spent by sitting down at Anna’s table and chatting some more, I hit the premiere of Backwoods Bloodbath. On the way there, though, something extraordinary happened. Uwe Boll was leaving, and a group of us was chilling by the exit doors. He walked up, ignoring everyone else, and shook my hand. He said he was going to be heading out. He thanked me for the questions and told me to stay in touch. Yeah, that was pretty fucking cool. Anyways, back to the movies. Before the film actually started, Wayne Clingman took center stage and made some thanks for people contributing to the greater good. He called the crew from Dorkgasm to stand up and receive their due thanks. We actually got some cheers from people, proving not only did we get around, but also some folks actually liked us. Backwoods Bloodbath, which was based on The Black Hodag legend, was a totally fun experience because the crowd was packed with cast and crew. It was a pretty funny movie at times, and the effects were pretty sweet. In typical jaded Dork fashion, Joel, Fester, and I sat in the back row, riffing of the flick the whole time. From the beginning, I called it a “drunken party movie”, and about halfway through, Joel told me I was right. We continued riffing until the very end, and when the lights came on, we watched the parade leave the room. Around this time, a gentleman came up to us and said that he had heard the riffs we were tossing out. This man was the director of the film. I felt a little awkward, but he said he thought we were funny, and I totally hit the nail with the party movie reference. The guy that did the effects was also sitting nearby, and came over to chat. Earlier in Day One, we had told him we would be brutally honest with him about the movie, and when he heard our reactions to some of the effects, he knew he had legitimately impressed us. He proclaimed his thanks, and we were off. Shortly after this, Anna, Nathan, and Zoë left for their hotel. I would not be seeing them anymore after this. I shook hands with Nathan and Anna and got a hug from Zoë, and they left. I was surprised by the sadness I felt by watching them go. I guess I felt closer to them than I realized. I knew I would talk to them again soon, though, and I felt better. I started to watch Secrets of the Clown, but due to an at-home problem, had to dash away. I hope Badman Productions will forgive me for that. I was really looking forward to seeing their movie. All in all, I had a great two days here. Next year, I hope to be able to hit all the events and midnight movies for all three days. We will see, however. It was truly a wonderful experience for all involved, and I wish you all could have been there. Maybe next year, you should not sleep on it and just buy some tickets when we tell you to. Oh, in case anyone is wondering, I’ve already been in touch with Zoë, Anna, and Nathan. I guess all’s well that ends well.