Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

Hollywood, CA - Twentieth Century Fox announced today that Mel Brooks has signed a deal to make the long-awaited sequel to his 1981 classic History of the World: Part I.  Titled simply, History of the World: Part II, press releases indicate that the sequel will cover roughly 800 years, starting with a Viking Funeral, which somehow leads to the accidental discovery of America by Columbus, and spanning to a future world run by invisible robot overlords.

Top Ten Films of 2008
By
Michael C. Riedlinger
Editor-In-Chief

            What a crazy year for film, you know? We saw dead careers come back to life with a roar, great actors die before their time, and the living dead were practically impotent when they finally showed up at the end of the year. 2008 is the year that the writers went on strike and genre films changed tact and proved that it was those very writers who could turn a bit of clichéd fare into potential award winning blockbusters. Oh wait, I forgot that my compatriots in the world of film criticism tend to look down their noses at mainstream fare. While I agree that 2008 saw its fair share of crap, there were plenty of main-stream gems to get excited about.

Death... Not Only Walks, But Is Off And Running
By
Kenneth Holm
Senior Staff Writer

            As you may have noticed, this is my first article is about two months. After my self-imposed exile from the hallowed halls of Dorkgasm, my first step was to renew my professional contacts. First off the bat was a call to James Zahn, the multi-hyphenate auteur behind the Death Walks the Streets multimedia brand. You may remember from an article by our own Hearstian editor Michael Reidlinger in regards to Zahn's presence at this years Chicago Wizard World. Well, it turns out that big events are in store for one of the most eagerly awaited franchises in film. Yes, sir, big things.

Clive Barker needs your help if you are a fan of horror films. Mr. Barker has an adaptation of one of his short stories in "The Books of Blood" entitled "Midnight Meat Train"; starring Vinnie Jones and directed by Ryuhei Kitamura. This is to be Kitamura's first american release and the reactions of fans at early screenings of the film seem to really enjoy the film despite the fact that it is a horror movie. It seems that even Mr. Barker is pleased with artisitic interpretation of his story.

Covering the premiere of Clubless at Gurnee Cinema in Gurnee, Illinois! Show starts at 11pm, and it may be the only theatrical film I enjoy this weekend... See you at the movies!

So, I brought you a picture of Justin Chatwin a little while ago in the guise of Goku from the Dragon Ball Z movie. It would seem that a lot of people thought it looked kinda... you know... Fucking stupid. Well, I have more cast pics available now, and I think we will all be able to agree that this does not inspire any confidence whatsoever. So, without any further ado, I bring to you... Joon Park as "Yamcha"

I received an e-mail from the fine people who organize horrorfest every year and I learned something very interesting. It seems that there was one film from the 2007 Afterdark Horrorfest that was left out because the content of said movie was too horrific for mainstream theathers, they basically refused to show it.

The petition has now reached 203,000 signatures.
Future updates to come.
Now, come on people, can someone start a petition to end the careers of anyone and everyone with the creation of "meet the spartans"? Seriously, Uwe's movies may suck some ass, but they've never made any money, yet another "(something) movie" will come out soon, and will undeniably make enough money to warrant another one, and undeniably suck 100 times harder than anything Uwe ever did.
Just my thoughts...

Alright, I loved postal as much as the next guy (if that next guy actually saw it, but holy fuckin crap, there is an online petition to stop Uwe Boll from ever making a film again. He's gone on record stating that if over 1 million people sign this petition, he'll give up.
So make your voice heard. Whether you love him (cough cough Ken cough) or hate him, (cough cough everyone Cough COUGH) this could be the end of Dr. Boll's film making career.
The petition is already at nearly 138,000 signatures.
You can "sign" the petition at http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html

If you haven't heard that there is a new Incredible Hulk film that is coming out this June you may have been living under a rock however, if you would like to bring yourself back into the world of living then check out this link over to MTV where the trailer premiered this week or go see Doomsday this Friday where it will be attached. This thing is going to be amazing. Here is the link :http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1583143&vid=215625. Please do yourself a favor and check this out.