Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

Chino is a Fucking Beef Bus
by

Valerie Douglas

            Press power. Fire that whore of a DVD player up. Release the disc tray from its confines and replace it's poi-ful songs with a disc red as blood breathing fresh air for the first time. Settle down on the couch for a pre-air, a viewing of things yet to come for Showtime's infectious series Dexter.

            Press play.

            A mosquito appears, drawing hemoglobin from human flesh: just a drop, enough for a sample. Images of blotted blood, suffocating faces, and bound body parts as part of a killer's dressing ritual for a busy day blend in with the sunshine to fill my eyes. I recall where everything left off and the recap that season premiers force us all to endure leaves me feeling deflated.

            Last season was addicting; it was difficult to not be intrigued about the identity of the Ice Truck Killer, a man who would freeze his victims in order to make the killing devoid of blood, or to be amazed by Dexter's ability to be a lovable, root-for-able bad guy. He's a mild mannered murderer who savors every aspect of killing like furry-fetishist's love stuffed animal costumes with big, fluffy appendages. His precision control over his “Dark Passenger” and the way he basks in bullshitting every person in his life into believing he is just like them makes for a captivating 50 minutes.

             Everything is wrapped up in a neat little package by the end of episode 12, but there are still plenty of plot options left; not to mention that Jeff Lindsay wrote a sequel! Phooey on the book being merely an inspiration for the series. Phooey, I say.

            The world steals itself away into the background beyond and forces me to focus in the new direction Dexter has traveled in these 38 days since his self-inflicted solitude. Without revealing too much, the conscious decision to act effortlessly “human”, and choose the foster family that forgives his monstrous behavior over the blood brother who accepts him because of it, sets off a chain reaction of emotions that Dexter has no idea how to handle.

            There's no attempt to cover-up or gloss over the emotional turmoil all the characters have been going through. Sitting there and watching it unfold, I can’t help but to identify with each one. I mean, I've had troubles at the job site, and I've had “baby-daddy” issues, and yes, I've even had to endure the occasional annoying stalker. My fiancée has never tried to kill me however, and so has never had opportunity to fail, but I can relate. See, there was a frog in Oklahoma once. He dove for my eye…

 ::fahklempt:: But back to the show...

            I felt compelled to make all those wrong turns Dexter could not avoid, or to speed up to pass all those exits off this freeway of uncontrollable situations. Blinking in sync, I knew before he did that he would miss his mark. Feeling human and liking it has offset Dexter's entire performance; at work, with his girlfriend Rita, even when he nurtures his “Dark Passenger”.

            It is not for lack of trying though. A suitable victim is researched and the challenge is relished. Twice the initial precaution to ensure success, but the lack of preparation for the ritual itself presents Dexter with another new situation: a survivor. He wanted it too much, the anticipation of release distracting him like a ferret gnawing at the base of his skull. The nagging feeling of inadequacy explodes in triplicate as treasure-hunters descend upon his “treasure”, resting neatly at the bottom of the ocean.  All the murkiness of existing with others forces Dexter to feel a new emotion: fear, pounding hard in his chest.

            If you've missed all or most of last season, don't worry about trying to play catch-up before the new season starts. Watch it, that's most certain, but do so at your leisure. I know where my Sunday nights will find me: putting my kid to bed early so I can get my money's worth from my cable bill from the couch. 

            Dexter airs Sundays beginning September 30 @ 9/8 central on Showtime. Check your local listings, or ask those kids at the Cable Company kiosk in the mall to look it up for you. They have nothing better to do.