Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

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By
Jenny Sobczak
Staff Writer

It isn’t impossible to create a good adaptation of a Jane Austen novel, whether on paper or on screen. The Jane Austen Book Club had its moments, and Lost in Austen was very imaginative and entertaining. So why, on the literary front, has Seth Grahame-Smith failed miserably with his own attempt? Pride and Prejudice and Zombies looked like it was going to be a good read. Jane Austen and zombies are two brilliant elements separately, so why not mix them together and make for something insanely awesome? Apparently, they should be kept apart, or the task should be undertaken by someone who can execute it properly.

The problem with this novel is that it reads like a bad Photoshop job. The zombie story is just cut and pasted on over Austen’s original plot, and neither lends itself to the other. There is way too much going on to concentrate on all of it properly without spanning 500 pages. Instead of attempting to meld the two ideas in an original way, Grahame-Smith takes the easy way out. The majority of the zombie changes come in the form of simply transposing locations in England to locations in Asia. Governesses become ninjas, and the “town” that Mr. Bennet disdains transforms into his dislike for Japan and preference for China.

To further add to the disaster of this book is the fact that Austen’s wit is gone, replaced with jokes about bodily functions and innuendos that do not fit the Romantic Era setting. Sure, it may be a zombie story, but as someone who read this book as an Austen fan more than a zombie fan, I’ve got to say it doesn’t fit with the time period. Just because there are zombies attacking Georgian England doesn’t mean the Bennet sisters have to dwell on the genitalia of our two leading men. The bodily functions are somewhat more understandable, though they are extremely overdone. Characters vomit almost every two chapters.

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As if these issues weren’t enough, he screwed with two of the novel’s minor characters. In fact, he screws with most of the minor characters. Mr. Wickham is far more unsympathetic in this novel than in Austen’s original, due to the fact that Grahame-Smith decided he needed to make him physically abusive as well. Mr. Collins simply becomes a fat blob who knows almost nothing. These changes, especially the one involving Mr. Collins, do not effect the general plot, and they don’t make it any more or less of a zombie novel. Collins was comedic relief in Austen, and Grahame-Smith takes all of that away with a litany of mindless fat jokes.

Then, just as expected, he infects one of the lesser characters with the zombie plague. This isn’t so much a problem, but the execution is sloppy. Without trying to spoil too much, the author seemed incapable of explain the zombie disease without infecting one character. In order for the reader to get a complete sense of it, the rest of the characters seem oblivious, and that aspect simply doesn’t make sense. The author does attempt to explain why only one character noticed that the transformation was under way, but this is so far removed from the infection that it hardly matters anymore.

I only have one comment to Seth Grahame-Smith, and that comes in the form of a warning to stay away from the rest of Austen’s novels. If zombies existed in our world, I’m sure Jane Austen would rise from the dead and revenge herself on Mr. Grahame-Smith. I sure hope I don’t see Mansfield Park and Frankenstein on the market any time soon.

Final Verdict (out of 5):