Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

Cursed: A DVD Review
By
Kenneth Holm
Senior Staff Writer

            Now, I know what you are probably thinking. Rest assured, though, that this is not a review of the horrible Wes Craven stinker from 2005. Imagine if you will a horror movie with almost no cohesive structure and supernatural elements that combine themselves with the reckless abandon of free-form jazz. This is what Cursed is all about, and I'm happy to say that the results are cooler than they might sound.

            Cursed, or 'Chô' kowai hanashi A: yami no karasu as it is known in Japan, begins with a literal bang within the first two minutes. Two schoolgirls are walking to meet some friends when they decide to stop and grab some juice at a convenience store. One of the girls stops in front of the store, saying she cannot move anymore and will not go into the store. As her friend tries to coax her into the store, she continues to back away, only to hit the street and get turned into a bloody mess by a semi truck. From there, the book gets even weirder and more frightening.

            The convenience store is owned by a husband and wife and staffed by two teenagers, Nao and Komori. Well, this convenience store apparently is cursed, which explains the clever title. The store is currently in the process of being bought out by a larger franchise that sends Ms. Ryoko Kagami to begin the inventory process. However, when Ryoko arrives, it sets off a chain of events that are seemingly unconnected, but we know they are. I really cannot do this movie justice with words. I constantly try to keep from expressing myself with common curse words, but this movie is a mindfuck, plain and simple. Customers who patronize the store often buy things of varying monetary amounts. However, far too many item combinations come to 666 yen. Whenever this happens, the customer is seemingly marked for death. Actually, most people who buy anything from this store meet their end pretty interestingly. Everything from the Michael Myers style unstoppable killer to the creepy women of the Ringu and Ju-On series of movies are referenced.

            During this time while all of their customers seem to be dying off, Komori and Ryoko are striving to find out the secret to the store. Needless to say, the secret is not too much of a secret, and it only takes one crazy old woman to blow the whole thing wide open. However, this is not the only problem. It would seem that Komori's co-worker and apparent paramour, Nao, is slowly becoming a victim of the store after being attacked by a creepy faceless monster in a parka. Ryoko's boss is also slowly going insane while waiting outside the hospital after getting his feet amputated. Please note that this happened after he had gone to the store.

            This movie will constantly keep you guessing and wondering what the hell is going on. This, of course, is exactly how I like my movies. I know it does not sound like it, but I really have to recommend this movie to you. It is very well shot, even though it was obviously done on the cheap. The acting is on par with other larger releases, and I just love the atmosphere. Check this one out if you are tired of everything America tries to pass off as horror.

Final Verdict (out of 5):