Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

An Ugly Fairy Tale
By
Michael C. Riedlinger
Editor-In-Chief

            When I walked into the theater to see Hellboy II: The Golden Army, I wasn’t surprised that half the crowd wasn’t dorks. Since Pan’s Labyrinth, Guillermo del Toro has become something of a household name, no longer simply the director-du-jour of fan boys everywhere. Indeed, the tenor of the script and the visual work in this film simply scream the director’s name. Beyond crowning Del Toro as an auteur, this is a comic book movie, and I was really hoping to see something that could hold its own sandwiched between Iron Man and The Dark Knight. I was not disappointed, by any means.

            The film opens with a bedtime story on Christmas Eve. Anyone who played the ARG at thesecretdevice.com should already be familiar with the story of the Golden Army and the war between men and elves. The same story is retold, but with imagery Tim Burton would be proud to have produced. It sets a tone that Del Toro maintains through the entire film. There is a dark side to his brand of fantasy, but he tempers it with a childlike sense of wonder and just the right amount of humor. Maintaining that element of the comic isn’t just smart, it’s absolutely necessary because there isn’t a prior story arc that is undergoing adaptation here. No, the story of Prince Nuada (Luke Goss, Unearthed) and his quest to save the planet from polluting humans by wiping us out with an invincible clockwork army is entirely original.

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            In the meantime, the characters from the first film have all grown. Hellboy (Ron Perlman) and Liz (Selma Blair) have gotten together on a permanent basis and fight over his messiness and her nagging. Abe is still distant and ethereal, and Manning (Jeffery Tambor) has his hands full covering up Hellboy’s growing desire to come out to the public. It is this last facet that drives the character development in Hellboy II, the desire to be accepted. Johann Krauss (Seth MacFarlane) is also brought in to flesh out the cast and to further along the idea of outcasts-in-arms. The merry band of freaks discover the entrance to a long-fabled Troll Market under the Brooklyn Bridge and start hunting the erstwhile prince, only to find that he is, in turn, hunting his sister, Princess Nuala who has absconded with the last piece of the key he needs to control the fabled Golden Army.

            I do, however, have at least one complaint about the film. I didn’t mind that Abe fell for the Princess and she for him. I don’t care about the metaphorical meaning of Hellboy, a government agent, killing the last surviving forest god. Even the fact that I kept thinking David Bowie was going to pop up as the Goblin King in the Troll Market didn’t bother me nearly as much as Del Toro tipping his hand too early with the villain’s major weakness (Spoiler Alert). It turns out that Nuala and Nuada are twins, and when you hurt one, you hurt the other. Yeah, I wonder how that’s going to play out in the end…

            That aside, it was a treat to see the whole of the B.P.R.D. come to realize that acceptance from the outside world doesn’t matter a lick because you can always rely on those close to you. There is some set up for a third film, and the director doesn’t mask the fact that our main protagonist will eventually bring down Armageddon. Of course, it will probably be with a wink and a nod, and the jokes will probably fly a mile a minute by then. Altogether, this is a better film than Iron Man, but don’t expect it to shatter any records. Some of the jokes are too smart, and the story is likely too fantastic for most audiences. If you like that in a movie, you’re in for a treat, and you can join in the lamentation of film dorks everywhere as we ponder how something so smart and beautiful could go unembraced by the general public.

Final Verdict (out of 5):