Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits
By
Michael C. Riedlinger
Editor-In-Chief
The world is a sadder fucking place now that George Carlin, 71 year-old comedic pioneer, is dead. That's right folks, take him out of your rolodex, or better yet, delete him from your email lists. Shit, who am I kidding? The fact is, George knew he was getting on in years, and he'd be pissed if any of you motherfuckers shed a tear for him. Raise a glass in his name next time you're at a bar and sing his praises.
Mr. Carlin brought his abrasive comedic talents to audiences for generations and, while most people laughed, rattled a few cages in his time. Hell, they arrested him once or twice, including in Milwaukee back in '72 for using what they called "profane language". The cocksuckers in the Supreme Court decided that the government has the right to sanction broadcasters for airing "profanity" because of George back in '78. Not 30 years later, Janet Jackson's tits were the subject of just such a fine... All thanks to "the man" freaking out over George.
I say fuck the fucking fuckers; they can piss off. George was a comic genius on par with Lenny Bruce, and a political agitator just as subversive as Hunter Thompson. I've even heard one rumor that surviving members of the Weather Underground are going to get back together and blow up a vacant stage at Summerfest in old George's honor and in protest of the War in Iraq! George would have laughed, so should we.
Whether storming a stage as a cantankerous old asshole, or hitching a ride for a blow job, George Carlin had a knack for making us laugh and making us question what we thought was true in the world. He beat addiction, as much as anyone can, and became a sort of American God in his own lifetime. If celebrity is akin to royalty in this country, then we just lost our fucking king.
Carlin taught me, specifically, not to fear words. Not to fear getting old, the human body, shitty politicians, or going bald naturally. Carlin taught all of us a thing or two. Hell, I've seen Carlin speeches in emails for more than a decade now; senders proclaiming his wisdom as some sort of modern Gospel. My heart goes out to those that survive him, his wife, his daughter and son-in-law, and any other family he may or may not have brought up in numerous routines and interviews throughout the years.
A fucking bum heart? Yeah, I guess so... Heart failure in a Santa Monica, California hospital. Can't we just lie, and say he went out fight Nazi Ninja Zombies... From Space? Or is that shit too corny? Ah well, fuck it all, we will all miss him no matter how he died because we loved him for who he was, not how he lived. No plans have been announced yet for his funeral, but I guarantee it'll be a fucking media circus, where ever they decide to bury him. All I know for sure about that is, I don't want it in my backyard.
Goodbye George. Thanks for everything, we owe you one.
