Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

DVD Release Roundup - 3/18/08
By
Cheryl Kobs

There are so many new DVD releases each week, I am doing a rundown of all of them to save some time. So here goes.

Enchanted:
”To a place where there are no happy endings”
            Take every Disney princess movie and throw it together in one and you get Enchanted. The movie even opens with the classic book on a pedestal opened by an invisible narrator which we travel into to find the main character singing and dancing with her forest friends. Within minutes, she literally falls into the lap of her prince charming (James Marsden) and instantly begins to plan her wedding. Unfortunately for her, her trip to the altar is cut short when the prince’s wicked stepmother (Susan Sarandon), disguised as an old hag, pushes her down an enchanted well. Our Princess, Giselle (Amy Adams) arrives in modern day New York City, as naïve and ridiculously overdressed as ever. Her perky attitude and horrible fashion choices put her at odds with her rescuer, a cynical divorce lawyer (Patrick Dempsey). Ever so predictably, the prince follows her to New York City with a chipmunk sidekick inserted as quirky comic relief. We are taken on a trip through an overly colorful, overtly Disney, song and dance whirlwind until the wicked queen herself shows up. A wonderful blend of the stepmother from Snow white and Sleeping Beauty’s Malificient, Sarandon struts in and poisons the heroine without so much as a ruffle of hair. After the princess is revived via true love’s kiss, the queen turns into a kickass dragon and climbs to the top of the building only to fall to her death. Almost as if making fun of themselves, Disney pokes fun at the idea of true love at first sight and pushes the idea that girls need to get to know the man they are going to marry before they commit. Once again, Disney changes to fit the modern age. Oddly, this attempt to “not be so much about the fantasy” actually stabs itself in the back with the idea that if you are cute bubbly girl, you can change the heart of the overly cynical man within a matter of days and assure that he is never jaded again. This film is very Disney, from the animation in the beginning to the dance sequences throughout, even down to the cute feel good ending. Highly enjoyable if you like when your teeth hurt from the saccharine overdose.

I Am Legend:
“Huh, that was …interesting, I guess.”
            Based on the novel, and a remake of The Last Man on Earth and Omega Man, I Am Legend follows Scientist Robert Neville (Will Smith) as he survives day-to-day in post-apocalyptic New York City ( what is it with New York?) with his trusty and adorable dog Sam. After an altered strain of the measles, created to combat cancer, ends up wiping out most of the population of New York, Neville and several zombiesque ‘dark walkers’ are the only remaining residents. We watch, in between glances at our watches, as Neville hunts deer, goes to the video store, makes awesome stir fry (which he then feeds to the dog) and locks down the house for a lovely night sleeping in the tub. Neville also has a cool lab in his basement where he is trying to find a cure to the dark walker disease. To test the vaccine, he kidnaps a zombie from a nearby building and is surprised when her mate begins to hunt him down in order to find her. In this hunt, Sam is attacked and bitten, which we all know means that, yes, the dog is now a zombie. Neville attempts to cure the dog and when attempts prove unsuccessful, strangles it to death with his bare hands. I must admit, I cried. Come on, I cried at the end of Old Yeller too, so shut up. Lonely and looking for a final way out, Neville sets himself up for a really cool zombie attack only to be rescued by another survivor of the virus. From this point, the movie become too rushed, as we are quickly introduced to the new characters and then thrown into another final battle with the zombies. The end is kind of a let down and leaves you with the feel of “huh, that was… interesting, I guess.”

Love in the time of Cholera:
“Shoot me. There is no greater glory than to die for love.”
            As the movie opens, we are presented with the brilliant and beautiful colors of Victorian South America. An old man climbs a ladder in an attempt to retrieve his pet macaw from a nearby tree and fatally falls to the ground. His wife rushes to his side as he swears that he loved her above all. After his funeral, the woman returns home to find a man standing in the foyer who professes that he has loved her for 51 years 9 months and 4 days. We then begin the story from where it should always start; the beginning. We watch as Fermina (Giovanna Mezzogiorno) falls for the young and handsome telegraph clerk, Florentino Ariza (Javier Bardem). After confessing her undying love for him, and swearing she will marry him in secret, their love affair is discovered by Fermina’s father, Lorenzo Daza (John Leguizamo). Her father then has a private meeting with Florentino is which he tells the young man to leave them alone. When Floentino refuses, Daza threatens to shoot him. Ever so coolly, Florentino reclines slightly in his chair and pulls back the lapel of his jacket baring his chest and says “Shoot me. There is no greater glory than to die for love.” At this point, Fermna is whisked away to ‘the country’ to keep her away from the telegraph boy. When she returns she tells Florentino that what they had was an illusion and begins to court the local doctor (Benjamin Bratt). Dr. Urbino and Fermina are shortly married and Florentino swears he will simply wait until he dies to confess his love to her again. Lo and behold, the sweet doctor is a total dick and says things like, “A man should have two wives, one to love and one to sew on his buttons” and, “Marriage is ultimately about stability”. We watch as Florentino struggles with a broken heart and the simple desires that come from being human. A heart-wrenching story of epic love set against a beautiful backdrop. The movie seems to move slowly but that only helps to reinforce the life long strain of the love that lasted for over 50 years between two people that could not be together because it was not convenient.

Atonement:
You can only imagine the truth
            A testament to misunderstandings and childhood naivety. We watch as 13-year-old Briony Tallis recklessly alters the lives of several people when she accuses her sister’s (Keira Knightley) lover Robbie (James Mcavoy) of a crime he did not commit. When she intercepts a letter not meant to be sent by Robbie to Cecilia, Briony assumes the worst and her presumptions set in motion a whirlwind of events that create a well crafted and gut wrenching story that is hard to turn away from. Gorgeous and tragic, the film grabs you with the first click of a typewriter key and does not let go until the screen goes black. Not a typical love story, and therefore more worth the time to see it, this movie shows us that we must love when we can because we never know if there will be time for love or atonement. For a full review click here.

8 Films to Die For:
            For everyone who missed them when they were in the theatre, or just couldn’t handle the idea of sitting and watching 8 movies in 3 days, now you can watch them all whenever you want. Yay. So check them out. From what I hear, Mulberry Street for the win.
Check out the reviews here.
Unearthed
Borderland
Mulberry Street

Also coming out on DVD this week:
Conspiracy (Val Kilmer)
Revolver (Jason Statham)
The Seeker- The Dark is Rising
Southland Tales (Justin Timberlake, Dwayne Johnson)