Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

The Sun Never Sets
By
Michael C. Riedlinger
Editor-In-Chief

Dear Snake Pliskin,
            Please retire. You’ve been replaced. Her name is Eden Sinclair, and she is not only more of a badass than you ever were, but a lot easier on the eyes to boot!

            Neil Marshall’s latest film, Doomsday manages to be gripping, sexy and fun without losing too many brain cells. The film kicks off with a bit of back-story from the ever-creepy voiceovers of Malcolm McDowell. The Reaper Virus lays waste to huge chunks of Scotland in 2008 and all the British Government can do is rebuild Hadrian’s Wall and let the kilt wearers die out. During the last evacuation, her mother convinces troops to take little Eden to safety and we flash forward twenty-five years where she is now an elite defense trooper. When the Reaper Virus makes a reappearance, this time in London, Eden’s boss, (played by Bob Hoskins, finally making up for Super Mario Bros. The Movie) calls her in for a special mission. It turns out there may be a cure for the deadly virus somewhere in Scotland, and the government wants her to lead the strike force that is going to look for it.

            After the wall went up, the government refused to evacuate the scientist who was trying to develop the cure. Dr. Kane (Malcolm McDowell) finally stopped contacting them, but they have satellite footage confirming that there are people living in Glasgow, so the military has at least some hope. When the strike force finally arrives in downtown Glasgow, they discover that it isn’t just one or two random survivors, but an army of cannibals led by Sol (Craig Conway). Remember the first time you saw the video for “Firestarter” by The Prodigy, and Keith Flint looked like a totally deranged and cool badass? Sol’s twice as crazy and likes to eat people! His girlfriend, Viper, is the perfect modern femme fatale, and their merry band of cannibalistic city dwellers put the cast of the Mad Max films to shame. These are the people who invented Punk, and nobody does it better. Of course, Eden manages to escape and with the help of Cally (MyAnna Buring) and sets off to find Dr. Kane.

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            Here’s where the film takes on all sorts of new dimensions. Sure, we’ve all seen post-apocalyptic movies where the survivors adopt punk motifs as their uniform, and we can accept that. Is it realistic though? Marshall thinks that it is only one possible avenue. It turns out that Cally is not only Sol’s brother, but dear old dad is none other than Dr. Kane himself. Sol’s band has rebelled against his father because they like modern contrivances and dad would rather everyone revert to medieval practices. This isn’t apparent in the film, however, until Eden and her small band of escapees are accosted by mounted knights in full armor.

            Makes sense if you think about it. You are trapped in Scotland with no outside help or convenience and only a sparse population, so you may as well adopt a castle and go for broke. Dr. Kane condemns Eden’s band for the crimes of the entire British government, and she is forced to kick some more tail in order to escape again. Meanwhile, the evil British government really is plotting some bad mojo. The Prime Minister (Alexander Sidig, Star Trek: DS9, Syriana) is little more than a puppet to Canaris (David O’Hara, The Departed, Wanted) who plans to keep whatever cure Eden’s team finds until after the population has thinned out a bit. After an amazing car chase and a final showdown with Sol, Eden finally gets through to her boss and Canaris comes to pick up the prize himself, but Eden decides to stay behind in Scotland for reasons of her own.

            Let me tell you, this is a breath of fresh air as far as action films are concerned. Women are bad and beautiful, smokers turn out to be the good guys, and villains can wear suits or Mohawks, just as long as they’re really, really bad. The British know how to do all of those, and do them well. From the word go, Neil Marshall kicks it up to eleven and keeps it there. The story is enthralling and the effects, a mix of miniatures, mattes, practical and digital work, all serve the story. The only eye-candy in the film could probably beat you bloody and the soundtrack by Tyler Bates (Halloween, 300) will get you just as pumped as any of the fights or explosions. See this movie, and know that the Brits really are cooler than the rest of the world for a reason.