Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

            So it turns out the fine folks at Newsweek think very highly of dorks... Oh wait, they fucking don't! This week they ran an article in their magazine and online called Forty-Year-Old Virgins. In the piece, the asshole, Tony "My family was Amish" Dokoupil, goes on and on about dorks like you and I who spend thousands of dollars on collectible toys from the 1980's. He makes them out to be losers who just won't grow up, and if that were all, I'd blow it off...

            See, despite the fact that these media assholes always identify us as folks who don't know what to do with a naked broad, this asshole comes along and makes the following statement: "At $15 to $30 for each action figure, re-staffing the Cobra Command center (home to G.I. Joe's arch-nemesis, Snake Eyes) isn't cheap."

Editor's Note: Newsweek has since corrected the article online, but the print version is out there and the only comments on the story reference what Dr. Kog is ranting about

            Catch that? Dumb shit doesn't know that Snake Eyes is a bad-ass ninja who fights for GOOD?!?! Cobra Commander, Destro, The Barroness, Storm Shadow, hell, even Zartan would have fucking been acceptable, but no... Snake Eyes....

MOTHERFUCKIN SNAKE EYES?!?!?!

            I swear, what the hell is this guy doing reporting on this shit if he can make a simple error like that?? Hell, maybe Tony is a girl's name and in that case, I can forgive... But even Mrs. Kog, who played with Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony, knows that Snake Eyes isn't a freaking villain!

            Tony, go back to watching porn before I have to ruin the Holiday Cheer with a boot to yer face...

Hey Tony! Guess what!? Snake Eyes is no villain, you are buddy! ...And now a video. Enjoy!