Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

“Kottentail” A film by Tony Urban Review by Kenneth Holm Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer             You know, there comes a time in one’s life when you have to think really hard about some things. With the glut of holiday-themed horror movies that come out seemingly every year, what is a filmmaker to do? How can you make yourself different? With Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Halloween, and even April Fools’ Day well documented on celluloid, how can you stand out? The answer is simple. You make a monster movie about a killer Easter bunny. No lie.             Kottentail is the loving story about a man and his bunny. Well, not really. The actual premise shows much more promise. In the Overlook Animal Research Lab, Dr. Scarlet Salinger (Bridget Marquardt of Playboy fame) is performing some experiments on test subject F-13, which she affectionately refers to as Frederico. F-13 is a wee bunny that has been given special medication to genetically alter its structure, making it ferocious and deadly. One day, Robin and Lizzie (Patricia Bellemore and Noel Francomano, respectively) decide to break in and liberate all of the imprisoned animals. Much to their disappointment, there is only one to set free.             As subject F-13 escapes into the wilderness, local German farmer Hans Kottentail (Nathan Faudree) is beginning to notice that rabbits have been getting into his garden. This angers him to no end, and when F-13 confronts him, he responds by attacking. Faudree gives a sensational performance as he battles the obviously stuffed rabbit, recalling Bruce Campbell’s fight with his own hand from Evil Dead 2. Hans is bitten by the genetically altered rabbit and begins to slowly turn into a furry, hopping mad killing machine.             Meanwhile, officer Yvonne Mikita (Heather Darling) is becoming involved with the investigation of several bodies that turn up mauled. Each of these bodies has rabbit fur left at the scene. Soon, sorority sister Marissa (Kristen Abbott) becomes embroiled in the killings as her boyfriend is brutally slaughtered by Kottentail. Marissa, Yvonne, Robin, Lizzie, and the good Dr. Salinger eventually team up with an absurd scheme to bring Kottentail to his furry knees.             This movie is absolutely out of control. The makeup effects are not that bad, and the acting is on par with what you might expect from a low budget movie like this one. Most of the five women were found as part of the “I Wanna Be A Scream Queen” contest that was broadcast on television and the Internet. Let us retain a moment of honesty, though. You do not watch this movie for the acting. It is one of those movies that are better with a six-pack of Guinness and a group of genre fans. There are two commentaries on the disc, one bringing director Tony Urban and actor John Karyus (who played multiple roles in this movie) to the table to discuss the various merits of the production, and the other featuring Nathan Faudree in a solo chorus. Urban and Karyus’s commentary is interesting to listen to as they detail many aspects of production, but Faudree steals the show as he riffs on his own movie with a sense of humor not seen since Mystery Science Theater 3000.             Maybe this movie is not for you. Maybe it is. The point I am trying to make is that this movie is an all around good time. The shots are fairly well lit, the camera work is fair, and the effects are amusing, to say the least. You owe it to yourself to add this to your NetFlix queue and check it out. This is one of the most fun party movies I have seen in quite a while.