Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

Dropping Naruto Off at the Pool
By
Kenneth Holm
Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer

            Okay, ladies and gents! It’s time to poo again, and you need something to do. The new issue of Reader’s Digest can go unread this time, though. Just grab your trusty Nintendo DS and a copy of Naruto: Ninja Council 3, and you will be set.

            Naruto: Ninja Council 3 takes place… well; there really is not a time period this takes place in. The best estimate I can give you is it takes place during the Sasuke Saga, during which Naruto joins pervert professional Jiriya in tracking down Tsunade. If these names mean nothing to you, that is quite okay. You do not need a backlog of Naruto storyline to enjoy this game.

            Essentially, the game consists of a series of mini-games, or missions, in which you have a certain task to accomplish. The missions can range from killing some giant spiders, to collecting ninja weapons, to beating certain characters from the anime. As you can probably tell, the mini-game structure of the game makes it perfect for some throne abuse. The game starts with you in the role of stalwart boy ninja Naruto Uzumaki. The first mission is to apply the beatdown to his teacher, Kakashi. Once you have taken Kakashi to school (Heh. I made a funny), the character roster expands to encompass many figures who have worked with Naruto in past missions, including Sasuke, Sakura, Neji, Kiba, Rock Lee, and Shino. Most of the characters you know and love will make an appearance at some point or another during this game, and most of them are playable.

            Twenty characters in all are available to play as, but that really doesn’t mean anything. The signature jutsus, or magic, from all of the characters are interchangeable. All of the characters have four open spots for jutsus, with some of their own signature moves taking up to three spots. Some, however, only have one signature move, so it is fun to mix and match different moves with the people who do not have anything similar. Just the thought of taking Shino, who is my favorite character, and giving him the Rasengen, Chidori, and Primary Lotus jutsus is just awesome. After you complete each mission, the game automatically saves your progress. This is so handy, because after people start yelling at you for being on the crapper so long, you can sometimes forget to save your game.

            All in all, I would recommend this game for some hardcore pooping. The missions are bite-sized, with each one taking no more than five minutes. The availability of your favorite ninjas is just the icing on this feature-packed cake. Believe it!