Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

            September 28th, Ring of Honor debuted their second PPV offering, Driven, from Chicago Ridge, Illinois. The show opens in front of a red hot Chicago crowd with "The Voice of Ring of Honor", Dave Prazak welcoming the viewers at home. He goes on to tell us that Ring of Honor is about to show us exactly how "Driven" the locker room is, proving exactly why they are the best professional wrestling company in America. In the middle of his welcoming speech, a faction known as The Resilience (compromised of Matt Cross and Erick Stevens), and Delirious run down to the ring to challenge the No Remorse Corps (Roderick Strong, Rocky Romero, and Davey Richards) to a 6 man tag team match. Delirious gets on the mic and, in his inimitable way, tells the No Remorse Corps to "GET READY FOR A WAR!!!"

            The NRC/Resilience feud has been brewing since February when former ROH tag team champions Roderick Strong and Austin Aries split when Strong turned on Aries, claiming Aries always kept him in his shadow. It was time he showed he could be a leader. He then formed the No Remorse Corps. His first recruit was Davey Richards, the American protégé of Pro Wrestling NOAH superstar KENTA. Then he added Rocky Romero to the stable after the wrestler finished his commitments in Japan. Aries fired back by forming The Resilience with indy sensation "M-Dogg 20" Matt Cross, a tremendous high-flyer, and Erick Stevens from ROH's sister promotion Full Impact Pro. In June, Stevens won a tournament in FIP to crown the first ever Florida Heritage Title, beating Roderick Strong in the finals. Due to his commitments to TNA at the time, Aries had to leave ROH, leaving Cross and Stevens without a leader. Delirious has had issue with Strong since taking a powerbomb on the guardrail at an ROH show in April, and since then has aligned himself with The Resilience in Aries' absence.

            The No Remorse Corps comes out to the ring to accept the challenge, and from there, it's one of the hottest openings to a PPV in recent memory. All six men in the match give everything they’ve got, and then some. Cross shows why he is one of the premier high flyers in the business by hitting a beautiful Sasuke Special (cartwheel twisting senton to the outside) on all three members of the NRC at one point, winning over the Chicago crowd. Erick Stevens proves he is one of the best power wrestlers on the ROH roster by tossing around the NRC members like rag-dolls, at one point launching Davey Richards over his head with a gorilla press before catching him on the way back down for a gigantic powerslam. Delirious is great as always, being his goofy self, but tonight he is all business and really takes it to the NRC, hitting his Panic Attack running knee strike in the corner and the Shadows Over Hell back splash on a prone Roderick Strong. In the end though, No Remorse Corps gets the win when Davey Richards catches Matt Cross with his "DR Driver" (a butterfly brain-buster), then they continue to beat on Cross after the bell. Stevens and Delirious are knocked out and can do nothing to help. Only one man can save him now...

            And that man is Austin Aries!!!! The commentators point out that Aries was in the building tonight as a ticket-buying fan because he did not want to miss the great Ring of Honor PPV, and due to his contractual obligations to TNA, could not appear in the ring. The crowd is chanting for Aries, and he has quite simply had enough of seeing the No Remorse Corps beat on his friend. He runs down to the ring and takes out all three men. The No Remorse Corps retreat to the back, and Aries stands tall in the ring. He goes on to say that for the past couple of months he has stagnated in TNA and they are absolutely clueless as to how to use him to his full potential. His passion is wrestling, yet they have dressed him up as some sort of Jesse "The Body" Ventura/"Superstar" Billy Grahm rip-off they dubbed "Austin Starr" to make him more entertaining. Aries says he has a piece of paper in his pocket that will give him his wrestling freedom, a Ring of Honor contract, and all he needs is a pen to sign it with. At this point, pens bombard the ring, and the fans are all too eager to see one of their favorites come home. He signs it on one of the turnbuckles, and then says, "I am Austin Aries, this is Ring of Honor, and WE ARE WRESTLING!” A subtle shot at his former employers down in Orlando. Aries then hands his contract to ROH owner Cary Silken, shakes his hand and heads to the back with the crowd chanting, "welcome back" the whole time.

            Next we have a short backstage interview with Tag Team Champions, The Briscoe Brothers, saying they have beaten the best ROH has to offer in both America and Japan, which leads to a video package of ROH's first shows in Tokyo and Osaka. The Japanese fans have really taken to ROH and it shows, going crazy for performers like Brian Danielson, Nigel McGuinness, Delirious, Jack Evans, and others. Short clips feature the Briscoe’s tag defenses in Osaka, and ROH world champion Takeshi Morishima's title defense against Nigel McGuinness in Tokyo. The package ends with the Japan fans chanting "R-O-H" proving that the company is indeed world-caliber.

            Next up on the PPV we have a singles match between the men who were partners at ROH's first PPV Respect is Earned, Claudio Castagnoli and Matt Sydal. Sydal blamed Castagnoli for their loss at the first PPV tag title match against the Briscoe Brothers, so he asked for this singles match to prove he is indeed the better man. Castagnoli is going over immensely well with the Chicago crowd, leading them in multiple "HEEEEYYYYYY" chants, and even gets a wave going. Yes, it's a HEEEYYYYYY wave! Only in ROH! Sydal and Castagnoli have a tremendous match with Sydal landing many of his signature high-spots, including a beautiful standing moonsault. Claudio was just too much though because, in the end, Sydal went for a hurracanrana that he rolled through with a sunset flip, which just HAS to be seen to be believed, and got the win over young Sydal. His mission to beat Castagnoli is seemingly at an end...or is it?

            "Sweet and Sour" Larry Sweeney, "CEO of Sweet and Sour, Incorporated", comes down to the ring with his premier talent, Chris Hero, in tow along with "Personal Trainer to the Stars" Tank Toland and Toland's personal project, Bobby Dempsey. Sweeney talks about his ability to see raw talent, and how he sees great things in Matt Sydal and offers him a contract to join "Sweet and Sour, Incorporated". He tells Sydal that, with his help, he can turn losses into wins. Sydal thinks this over, and while he does, Castagnoli takes the mic away from Sweeney and tells Sydal that Sweeney is nothing but a scumbag. Castagnoli takes the SnS, Inc. contract away from Sydal, tells him that he won't let Sydal make that kind of mistake, tearing up the contract in Sweeney's face. Sweeney sends Bobby Dempsey after him and Castagnoli nails him with a gigantic European uppercut. Sweeney then tells Chris Hero to get him and Hero eats a GIGANTIC European uppercut, before getting kicked out of the ring. Good seemingly triumphs over evil until Sydal shows his true allegiance and jumps Castagnoli from behind and beats him down. Then his new teammates join him in kicking the hell out of his former partner. Sweet and Sour, Inc. leave the ring with their newest member, Matt Sydal, as the boos rain down upon them.

            Next is a short video package for the man who is facing Takeshi Morishima for the ROH World Title on the show, Jimmy Rave. Rave is shown taking out many ROH wrestlers with his Heel Hook submission and says that no matter how big Morishima is, he is going to make him submit and he will walk out of Driven as the new ROH World Champion.

            The next match is between BJ Whitmer and Naomichi Marufuji from Pro Wrestling NOAH in Japan. Whitmer is trying to get back on track after losing the first ever ROH PPV match to Takeshi Morishima at Respect is Earned, while Marufuji is trying to keep his streak alive after beating Rocky Romero on that same show. Marufuji carries himself like a superstar here, and Whitmer stands toe-to-toe with him in an awesome match. The Chicago crowd splits evenly for this match and Whitmer seems to be getting the upper hand until Marufuji hits him with the Shiranui (sliced bread # 2 for all you Brian Kendrick fans out there) and picks up the win. Whitmer is now 0-2 on ROH PPV and you can see the frustration in his eyes.

            We then cut to backstage interviewer Rebecca Bayless who is in the crowd going over all the cities hosting great Ring of Honor action. If anyone is getting tired of seeing a bunch of half-naked dudes fighting at this point, you're in luck, as Ms. Bayless is what I personally like to call "HOT AS FUCK". Trust me on this one...she's utterly bangable, but that's neither here nor there.

            Next up we have the Top of the Class Trophy holder Pelle Primeau coming out to the ring. The TotC Trophy is a title for the best student out of the ROH wrestling academy and is defended as any other title, only against other students. He is not very lucky tonight though, as his opponent for the night is "The Gun for Hire" Brent Albright, a vicious wrestler who towers over Primeau. Primeau is lucky to get one offensive move in before Albright ABSOLUTELY MURDERS HIM with a forearm shot to the face, and everything past that is overkill. Albright picks him up in a half-nelson suplex and dumps poor Primeau right on the back of his head before going for the pin, yet picks him up at the count of two saying he's not done with him yet. Albright then throws Primeau straight up in the air and catches him on the way down in his Crowbar (Fujiwara arm bar) finisher, making him submit almost before he lands on the mat. The "match", if you want to call it that, is a very short squash that seems designed to broadcast Albright for what he is: a brutal wrestler who simply enjoys hurting opponents. Mission Accomplished.

            The semi-main event is up next, The Briscoe Brothers versus the men who challenged them at the last PPV, Kevin Steen and El Generico. Steen and Generico are one of the quickest rising tag teams in ROH, only debuting this past February, and now one of the top pairs in the company. Steen and Generico have a very interesting dichotomy to them. Steen is a straight-up heel (bad guy) who elicits nothing but boos from the fans, while Generico is one of the fans favorites with his goofy gimmick of being a Canadian Luchador with a rallying cry of "OLE'!!!” The Briscoes accepted the match at Respect is Earned but were then beaten up all through the back of the venue by Steen and Generico, so this match has been percolating since then. The match itself is insane, with Generico and Jay Briscoe both taking massive falls into the audience, knocking fan’s chairs all over the place. It looks like we might have new tag team champions, but when the Briscoe Brothers hit the double-team "Spike Jay Driller" on El Generico, it's all over, and the champs stay the champs. Kevin Steen, on the other hand, takes exception to their win and grabs a ladder from under the ring and attacks the Briscoes AGAIN and lays them both out, presumably setting up a rematch at the next PPV.

            From there we go to the back, with Sweet and Sour Incorporated celebrating their newest client, Matt Sydal. Larry Sweeney brags to Sydal he got Sara Del Rey an endorsement deal, and with him by Sydal's side, he can make the same deals for the recruit. Sydal considers this and Sweeney offers the services of Tank Toland for a quick workout. Toland is in front of a crunch machine that Bobby Dempsey is working out on, trying to lose his gut, but can't quite get motivated. Toland holds out a cookie in front of Dempsey, who licks his lips at the site of it and finally gets a single crunch going. Toland is encouraging him, "Who's a cookie monster? Is it you? Are you a cookie monster, Bobby?” Bobby ALMOST makes it to the cookie when the machine snaps him back and Toland calls him pathetic and gives cookies to Sydal and Chris Hero before they all walk off laughing.

            The world title match is next with reigning champion Takeshi Morishima defending his title against Jimmy Rave. The commentators note that the first time Morishima defended his title on ROH PPV, the match lasted a little under four minutes because he is just that dominating. Rave is already in the ring when Morishima comes out and he does not waste a single second. He immediately starts hammering Rave with stiff punches and lariats. Rave mounts somewhat of an offense, but the sheer brutality of Morishima is too much to overcome. Rave manages to get Morishima off his feet, and even locks in the Heel Hook that has made so many ROH stars submit in the past, but Morishima makes it to the ropes to save his title. Rave tries to go for his "Greetings from Ghana" finisher (Pedigree) but Morishima just gives him a back body drop for his trouble. Morishima then decides he is through playing and drills rave with the Backdrop Driver and it is over, yet again, in less than four minutes. The commentators wonder if anyone can stop Morishima...

            After the title match they have Adam Pearce cutting a promo that he taped after the show ended about peoples needs. He says that people in the ROH locker room have different needs, be it a need for money, respect, or fame. He says he knows what he needs, and soon we'll all find out exactly what that is. He looks to the bleachers, sees BJ Whitmer sitting with his head in his hands, and says Whitmer’s need for acceptance from the fans has driven him to do things no other man could. Whitmer has had his flesh shredded in barbwire and his blood spilled more times than he cares to remember. Pearce says he knows what Whitmer really needs, and goes over to Whitmer and whispers something to him. Whitmer gives Pearce a look and seemingly accepts what he has to say. Pearce offers Whitmer a hug, and Whitmer accepts, then Pearce punches Whitmer right in the face, knocking him to the floor. Brent Albright then comes walking up to the both of them, laughs at Whitmer and walks off with Pearce.

            We then cut to Philadelphia for a number one contenders match between Bryan Danielson and Nigel McGuinness. The Philly crowd is absolutely insane, as they did not know in advance that this match was going to be taped for PPV, so they really went nuts when it was announced. Danielson and McGuinness have had matches before that ROH fans have hailed as match of the year candidates, most notably their title unification match in Liverpool, England when Danielson held the world title and McGuinness was the Pure Wrestling Champion. Danielson came out on top that night, and McGuinness has been out to get that elusive win over him ever since.

            In a perfect world, this match would have been seen in front of 50,000 people in an outdoor arena and broadcast worldwide. These two put on arguably one of, if not THE BEST, professional wrestling matches of the entire year. Their rivalry really was kicked up a notch here, as they laid everything on the line. Matches like this make you actually believe that it is worth risking your life fighting for the ROH World Title. This match needs to be seen to be believed, and it is easily this writer’s favorite match of all time. The intensity is unbelievable, and makes me realize why I love professional wrestling in the first place. This was an absolutely amazing athletic contest and anyone who has ever considered themselves a wrestling fan at any point in their life owes it to themselves to see it. The finish is perfect, and really puts over the importance of the match: it's for a world title shot at the next PPV, which both men want more than anything. The Philly fans chant "Thank You BOTH!" as the two men shake hands after a fantastic match, and the title bout at the next PPV is going to be a hard fought classic.

            If you have 10-15 dollars that you can part with, you should DEFINITELY watch ROH Driven, it’s money well spent. One of the best PPV's of the year from one of the best wrestling companies in the world. You are doing yourself a disservice if you ignore this show in favor for any WWE or TNA PPV. It really is that good.

            ROH is back in November with Man Up on PPV. Go to ROHWrestling.com for more information on Ring of Honor.

J