Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

            Okay, it’s time to take the Browns to the Super Bowl, if you know what I mean. I should take a game in with me to ease the time passage! While most of my other games are too involved to take along, one game always makes the trip with me.

            Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At Worlds End is a side scrolling 2.5D beat 'em up in the tradition of Final Fight and Streets of Rage. By that, I mean you can move forward and backward, as well as side-to-side, but it's not true 3D gaming. From the beginning, you start as Will Turner, reliving the classic three-way battle from Dead Man’s Chest. The duel system of the game is very interesting, using the stylus to draw your sword strikes and the arrows to block incoming blows. This is what DS Gaming should be. Using the stylus to duel and manage your inventory is an interesting concept, but it’s not the groundbreaking killer app we’re waiting for. Using voice samples from the movies, it tries to immerse you in the game world of the movie. The music sounds nice coming from the small speakers, but it can be a bit tinny. That¹s not why you¹re here, though. Let¹s get into the meat of it.

            The levels are broken up quite nicely into sections that are easily playable while sitting like a king on your throne. The best part is you won’t be sitting for too long while finishing a section of main level, so your legs won’t fall asleep and you won’t get a case of butt rot. The simple, repetitive controls and streams of baddies will keep your poo time occupied quite nicely. I do recommend you turn the sound down, though. Hearing pirates, and assorted baddies, die and groan quite loudly will make everyone think you’re pushing way too hard. It¹s only a matter of time until they break the door down to save you from a heart attack.

            The graphics are finely suited to the game, with crisp blacks and nice colors, where they exist. There are some tricky jumps, though, and if you fall, you have to start over. It sucks when you’re done throwing the deuce and you have to keep playing so the autosave kicks in. Overall, I would recommend trying before you buy this one. Maybe some of you will complain about the difficulty, but I like it. It takes the edge off, so to speak. I did balk at having to kill the same ghost pirate repeatedly until he finally shuffled off to Davy Jones¹s Locker, but they are ghost pirates after all.

            Therefore, in closing, it¹s well suited for crapping. It won¹t be everyone’s cup of tea, but I¹ve wasted more time during pooping with worse. Check it out and decide, but I dig it. When that last log falls, you could do a lot worse.