Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

            Imagine with me for a second. Imagine a movie that is one part Fahrenheit 541, one part 1984, and one part the Matrix. Do you have a muddled image in your mind? Are you having trouble picturing the firefighters in vinyl jackets? Forget that, wipe your mind of any images you created and go pick up Equilibrium. No, don’t be an asshat and rent it, go buy the movie. Why, you ask? Let me tell you why.

            This excellent film opens with Christian Bale, our main character, breaking into a hidden room and burning art, music, and book. Very Fahrenheit 451, wouldn’t you agree? What I left out, is how he dispatches the people hiding the “contraband”. He shoots all of them, but in a very unique way. His character is a user of, what the film calls, gun-kata. I like to call it gun-fu. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, I was little skeptical at first too, but bear with me a little while longer. Oh, I forgot to mention, Sean Bean is in this too, albeit very briefly. What is he doing? The job he does best of course, dying.

            This is just a fun film to watch. Seeing Christian Bale pistol whip six “cops” to death is simply phenomenal, especially with the spiky bits that pop out of the butts of his guns. Almost all the sequences involving gun-fu kept me glued to the screen. In addition, seeing Taye Diggs getting his face sliced off was worth the wait by the end. Did I spoil something for you? Not really, I told you 2 people died. Guess what? A whole lot of people “snuff it”, over the course of the film.

            I’m sure, by now, you’re wondering how 1984 fits into this mess. It’s actually quite simple. In whatever year this is set to take place, they have created a drug that suppresses emotion. Everyone takes this drug. If you are caught not taking this drug, you are put into a giant furnace looking device and incinerated. Everyone is supposed to take it at certain intervals. My favorite scene in this movie is an outside scene with hundreds of people walking past your view. Suddenly, a tone sounds and everyone stops, reaches into their pockets, and inject him or herself with the drug. Good sheeple.

            If I have failed to convince you of the merits of this film, I need to either work harder or you are brain dead. Personally, I’m voting for the second choice. So, if you aren’t brain dead, go down to your local video and pick up a copy. Don’t wait, do it now. After you watch it, show it your friends. They’ll thank you for the experience. So what are you waiting, go watch it already.