Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

            The toughest questions in Timor Bekmambetov’s (Night Watch, Day Watch) directing career likely came when he signed on to direct Wanted. How do you shoot the unfilmable book? How does one make their long awaited American directing debut with a movie about a serial killer/rapist/terrorist? The answers are simple: You don’t. The script, by action movie vets Michael Brandt, Derek Haas, and Chris Morgan, sticks closely to the source material as long as it possibly can before veering off in a totally new direction, with writer Mark Millar’s blessings, of course.

Soulfire Dims
By
Michael C. Riedlinger
Editor-In-Chief

            It is with great sadness that we report that Michael Turner has lost his four year battle with cancer. He passed at Santa Monica Hospital in California last night with friends and family at his side at the age of 37. Turner was the creator of several comic book titles including Fathom, Witchblade and Soulfire, and he founded Aspen Comics in 2003.

            When Fangoria Comics closed its doors last year, several promising titles went the way of the dodo, or so it seemed. Several months ago, a new comic book publisher with a strikingly similar logo started hawking titles on Myspace, chief among them a movie tie-in for the much anticipated genre bender Death Walks the Streets. Soon, we began seeing familiar titles promoted by this new company, including BUMP and Strangeland: Seven Sins. The creator-owned properties left unfinished by the demise of Fangoria Comics had found a new home called The Scream Factory.

            The summer of 2008 can be a huge time for Showtime, the proverbial second banana to HBO when it comes to original series on the premium circuit. This last week the underground champion came out swinging debuting one series, and bringing back to fan favorites to a writer's strike-effected sea of fans wanting more. With their big gun Dexter out until at least this fall, how will the network fair? If these three shows are any indication, they'll do okay, at best.

Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cocksucker, Motherfucker and Tits
By
Michael C. Riedlinger
Editor-In-Chief

            The world is a sadder fucking place now that George Carlin, 71 year-old comedic pioneer, is dead. That's right folks, take him out of your rolodex, or better yet, delete him from your email lists. Shit, who am I kidding? The fact is, George knew he was getting on in years, and he'd be pissed if any of you motherfuckers shed a tear for him. Raise a glass in his name next time you're at a bar and sing his praises.

            Back before cable and satellite were a mainstay in most every home, the most television variety one could expect on a rainy summer afternoon was from UHF channels. Many of my generation spent the 80’s watching re-runs ofThe Munsters, The Addams Family, and Get Smart. While the first two were funny, they didn’t possess the sheer comic genius of Mel Brooks and Don Adams. It was with some trepidation that I sat down to see the latest retelling of these classic characters in cinematic form, because so many fond memories have been trashed by crappy remakes. Get Smart, however, is in the hands of Peter Segal (Tommy Boy, Anger Management) so I had nothing to worry about.

            If you never forgave Val Kilmer for what he did to Batman, I think you should see The Salton Sea. In what is arguably his defining role, the Kilmer plays a character you never saw coming in, oddly enough, a film you most likely haven't seen.

            Imagine if you will, the geniuses at Saturday Night Live (back before it started to suck) did a 2.25 hour long parody of VH1's Behind the Music. You got the image? Great, now make it really, really funny. Include copious amounts of dick and fart humor, more non-sequiturs than an entire season of family guy and you have quite possibly the funniest movie of 2007, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. All hyperbole aside, this film is funny enough to make a gay man go straight, a genius go retarded, and a stuck up film elitist douchebag critic/comedian (cough me cough cough) laugh until they almost choked.

            What happens when M. Night Shyamalan takes a straight forward approach to making a thriller, adds some gore, and avoids the requisite “twist ending”? He gets compared to Alfred Hitchcock, that’s what. The Happening is one of those films that I entered with such low expectations that I was already grumbling to myself during the opening credits about the film and how I would smash it to bits in this review like some sort of critical Hulk. This, however, is not that review. By the end of the 91 minutes, my only complaint was that the film perpetuates the “Einstein Bee” myth.