Dorkgasm Gonzo Is God

They’re Coming to Get You Barbara…
But Not Really.
By
Joel R Bolyard

            One of the most interesting things I had the pleasure of watching, at ICFLM, was the Night of the Living Dead Puppet Show. It was presented by The Angry Young Men; which is kind of funny, considering there are two women in the crew, but I digress. This was not your traditional puppet show, mind you. There was no little box or stage with hidden puppeteers. The puppets were on sticks and only head, arm and torso. The zombiteers were clearly visible, so you had to use a bit of imagination.

You've been waiting for it. You've been praying to myriad gods and goddesses for it. Well, now it's here.

Dr. Tyranid or How I Learned To Love the Bottle and Get Eaten By Aliens
By
Aaron Bolyard
Dorkgasm Staff Writer (My Staff is bigger than Ken’s.)

            Ah, Unearthed. The first film of the 8 Films to Drink During Die For did not disappoint my expectations. Admittedly, I did miss the first 10 minutes or so, but that didn’t matter much as it was just showing how the monster in this film came back to life.

Event Horizon
by
Kenneth Holm
Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer

“No, I haven't seen anything and I don't need to see anything sir but I can tell you... this ship is fucked.”
– Smitty (Sean Pertwee)

            Oh, Paul W.S. Anderson. The man has given us almost nothing but pure, unadulterated crap for most of his career. Yet, even the director of Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat, and Soldier has to get something right once in a while, right? Well, with 1997’s Event Horizon, Anderson may have made the best movie he could hope to be involved in.

Dropping Naruto Off at the Pool
By
Kenneth Holm
Dorkgasm Senior Staff Writer

            Okay, ladies and gents! It’s time to poo again, and you need something to do. The new issue of Reader’s Digest can go unread this time, though. Just grab your trusty Nintendo DS and a copy of Naruto: Ninja Council 3, and you will be set.

My advice? See Blair Witch Project again to get over the "based on true events" bullshit, then rent Funny Games because it looks like it kicks this movie's ass!

Thanks For Nothin
By
Dr. Sam Kog

            Well howdy-ho motherfuckers! Sorry, that’s the turkey hangover talking. So when the boys asked me to write Villain of the Week for this week, I warned their asses that they’d get nothing but vitriol from me. See, there’s part of me that hates this season that just kicked off. Sure, I have a lot to be thankful for, but should I be thankful for it only once a year? I think not. I know plenty of people who wander this planet like goddamned zombies year round, that is until “The Holidays” start, and then they become something worse, like ugly lesbian porn stars or something.

Gods, Guns, and Gamgee
By
Michael C. Riedlinger

            Okay, so here’s the premise of Borderland: A trio of college dudes travel to Mexico to party their asses off, get laid, and generally disrespect the locals by using the country as a giant fucking frat house. From the get go we know this CANNOT end well. For one, Rider Strong from Boy Meets World is in it and that’s as sure a sign as any that he’s going to get fucked up in ways we can only cheer about. Note to Mr. Strong: Someone at After Dark Films fucking hates you.